Couples in Community

Like many people, I keep asking myself What else can I do?  How do I bring my professional skills to the problems facing our world? I’m talking about the big stuff: racial and economic injustice, a devastating pandemic, the climate crisis, and now, the presence of armed federal officers tear gassing and abducting protesters in the city where I live. Can I contribute in any truly meaningful way?  

To me it’s obvious that solving any of the massive complex issues facing us will require nuanced and multi-leveled approaches, including (but not limited to) widespread protests, systemic, political and policy changes, and fundamental shifts in our attitudes towards ourselves and each other. And it’s equally obvious that many people and governments support polarizations, sound bites, and binary thinking. Unfortunately, “nuance doesn’t scale,” as I recently heard someone say.

But in our intimate and personal relationships, we can focus on nuances. We can slow down enough to look at the intricate details of our communication patterns—how unconscious power dynamics and systemic oppression manifest moment to moment in inter-personal relating. We can look at the way internalized oppression wreaks havoc on our self-confidence and impacts our ability to stand up for ourselves, or to truly be able to understand and make space for the other’s position. We can study and disrupt the ways our personal and inter-generational trauma shows up in the here and now—in the bedroom and at the kitchen table. We can look at the intersections of our personal gifts with our social privileges (or lack thereof) and recognize how our powers intersect with those of our partners, friends and co-workers. I have seen the powerful ripple effect that couples have on their families and communities when they work through their power and diversity issues to create truly equitable partnerships.

By creating more awareness about how we relate to people who are different than ourselves—which, in some way, is everyone—we can work on the world. And try to make a dent.

I’ve always been a doer. I need to ACT to feel well. But painfully, for most of my life, I’ve been plagued by an insidious tendency towards self-doubt, to think of myself as unable or less than. I own this story and write about it in my book. It brings me gifts of empathy, humility and compassion. But my internalized sexism and antisemitism can become a paralyzing handicap. Especially when action is what’s needed in the world.

So now is not the time to second guess. For now, I know what I can do- and it’s about relationships. Please check out my offerings below.

And don’t forget to ask yourself: What is my role?  How can I contribute my unique set of skills and gifts to the problems facing our world? And what, if anything, is stopping me?

Stay strong, stay vulnerable, keep learning, keep doing.

*****

COUPLES IN COMMUNITY: CURRENT OFFERINGS

Couples in Community LIVE: real COUPLES real TIME

A brand new, experimental social learning experience

In each session, I will work with a couple while the group bears witness. Following each session, the group will explore the social relevance of the couple’s process using inner work and group dialogue. The couple offers their process—not only for their own growth and breakthrough learning—but for the benefit of the community, and ultimately the world.

The groups begin in mid-September and are open to individuals and couples. (Priority for working in the facilitated sessions will be given to couples.) Please help me spread the world by sharing this with anyone you think might benefit. For more information, check out the course details here. Or drop me an email.

Couples in Community: Distance and Closeness During Covid-19

This is a totally self-guided online class built from my presentations in March and April 2020, during lockdown. Find details here.

For an overview of Couples in Community, check out this short (2 minute) introductory video.

Jan Dworkin, PhD. Coach, Therapist, Author, Educator, Awareness Cultivator, Art Dabbler. If you like my blog, please share or subscribe here.